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The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Anniversaries, Birthdays and Lawsuits

There was no hair-pulling or police called to the scene this week on The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

So, what did go down? That's a question for our Real Housewives correspondent. She dishes on last night's episode below...

Tonight’s episode began with a sweet and wholesome family night at the Giudices’ Macaroni Mansion.  The girls are playing Monopoly with Teresa and Shirtless Joe.  The irony of any member of the Giudice family playing a game that involves managing money does not go unnoticed.  Evidently the Lord and Lady of the manor will soon celebrate their 10th anniversary. 

We realize it’s taken this unfortunate pair just ten short years to blow through millions and millions of dollars... dollars they didn’t have in the first place.


Across town at Danielle’s crumbling lair she is hatching a plan…it is a plan to gain total world dominance using her radioactive breast implants.  No, actually it’s a plan to celebrate her daughter Christine’s Sweet 16 without actually using any of her own money.  “Amazingly I’ve never had a birthday party thrown for me until I turned 47 years old,” she tells us.  Perhaps this is because no one likes you and you have no friends?

Christine wants to donate any money she “earns” at the party to charity.  Danielle is smugly proud of this fact as if she herself is donating money to charity.  “My children are living by my example,” she proudly states.  What example is that, exactly?  Usually you create mayhem at charity events.  Is this what you hope your daughters learn from you?  Yowsers.

Cute freckled little sis Jillian, already a singer-songwriter at age eleven, is planning her debut performance at the soiree.  Mommy Dearest is intent that Jillian sing in front of hundreds of guests (most are being paid to show up, I assume) despite the fact that the child breaks down in a rehearsal and says she doesn’t want to do it.

Teresa and Baby

Later, Jacqueline and her husband, Silent Bob, go to visit the Giudice pile o’ bricks.  Much discussion about Teresa’s possible anniversary gift ensues.  No one mentions a gift for Shirtless Joe.  “I want him to surprise me.  I want him to really, like, make it big,” Teresa says.  Shirtless Joe slurs, “She wants this friggin’ diamond…(unintelligible muttering)… I don’t know.  We’ll see.” 

Teresa doesn’t need “a crown jewel”, though, because she’s “not an Arabic.”  Unfortunately, buying a nice chunk of cubic zirconium might be more feasible because Shirtless admits that money “is just trickling” in right now.  How sad for them.

Inspiringly, Crown Prince Albie has decided to join the Police Academy “while my law school career is on hold.”  He goes on to explain, “You learn how to, you know, arrest someone and what happens after they’re arrested.”  We are so lucky to have this Albie around answering all of life’s tough questions. 

I always wondered what police trainees were taught in police school.  He thinks this will really help him when he becomes a lawyer because, “I’ll know what a cop’s thinking.”

As usual, Caroline is just barely keeping herself from giggling girlishly and swooning at her son’s feet. She’s all hot and bothered about the prospect of her son dressed up like a real Man of the Law, complete with a night stick with which to knock her around a bit.  “He’s cute as it is.  Can you imagine him in a uniform?  Good God!”  She’s blushing and sweating and it’s so profoundly odd I don’t even really know what else to say.



Kim Kardashian Offers Style Tips

For reasons that defy comprehension, Kim Kardashian is considered a fashion icon.

We could spend days questioning this classification - but, instead, we'll simply accept it and pass along a number of company shills tips Kim recently offered in the pages of InStyle. Follow along if you wish to look your best...

Find a Great Tailor
"Anything you wear should be proportioned to your body, and a good tailor will make sure everything fits perfectly. I either have my tailor at every fitting or I have my stylist pin my wardrobe and take it to the tailor before I wear anything. Shortening a hem line on a dress can make a huge difference!"

Accentuate the Waist
"Show off that tiny waist! Adding a belt makes your outfit look more polished. I have great belts from Phillip Lim and Alaia. Vintage belts are one of a kind and can be affordable too."

Eyebrow WaxIn Love with Herself

Avoid Baggy Clothing
"I know they are comfortable and they look amazing on Nicole Richie but flowy tops and dresses are not flattering on a curvy figure. They can make you look pregnant and they look sloppy in photos. Try wearing a maxidress instead. A.L.C, Torn by Ronny Kobo and T Bags make some great ones."

Embrace Shapewear
"Every woman from a size 0-14 should own Spanx! I love Shapewear by Body Wrap; they have a firm control long leg panty that makes my body look smoother and slimmer under fitted dresses without leaving any lines."

Love Those Curves!
"Being confident and owning your body is sexy. I love to show off my curves and designers like Thatcher, Antonio Berardi, Preen, Altuzarra, Markus Lupfer and Brian Lichtenberg make amazing dresses that fit my body perfectly."


Did Mel Gibson Abuse Oksana Grigorieva? New Photo of Alleged Attack Surfaces

A new photo has surfaced that Oksana Grigorieva says provides strong evidence of Mel Gibson punching her during an explosive January 6 argument.

Oksana has deep bruises around her left eye after she claims Mel punched her in the head twice, damaging her teeth. You can see the photo here.

Police are investigating Gibson for domestic violence. Oksana Grigorieva has accused him of punching her twice as they argued at his home that day.

The actor's ex-girlfriend has told authorities she was holding her baby Lucia when Mel struck her in the mouth and the head, near the left temple.

Photographs published by Radar Online purportedly show a bruised Oksana the morning after the confrontation. The images are pretty gruesome.

Former Baby Mama

The Mel-Oksana saga gets uglier by the day.

Earlier this month, a photo of Oksana was published showing damage to her teeth. Her dentist says this was likely caused by a blow to the head.

Mel denies hitting Oksana and his lawyers have told police that she tried to extort him. A separate investigation into that matter is also underway.

So far, Mel has not been stripped of visitation rights or charged with any crime. His estranged wife Robyn says he was never abusive in 28 years.

But is the evidence piling up against the star?

Coupled with text messages and one vile Mel Gibson rant after another, is he running out of legal wiggle room? Do the photos prove anything?

That's what the police are trying to determine.


Ke$ha: Inspired by Transvestites

Ke$ha is inspired by transvestites.

In a new interview with Paper Magazine, she says:

"Trannies make me want to be a better woman. I see these men who have way better bodies than I do, more beautiful faces, better complexions, beautiful makeup, and they're more fun than any person I've met in my life. They make me feel like I'm not a very good woman."

That's an unusual point of view from an unusual artist.

Ke$ha Photograph

Let's take a look at what else Ke$ha had to say to that publication:

On trying country music: I love Dolly Parton and Johnny Cash. I think at some point there might be some country collaborations or records in the future. But I'm also really digging being called, like half jokingly, a white girl rapper. I think it's really funny and I'm going to ride that train for a little bit.

On one of her favorite things: I wouldn't say I'm aggressive, but I'm a pervert. I have a gold Trans Am and my favorite thing to do in the world is to drive around blasting Zeppelin or Sabbath, cat calling dudes. It doesn't work, but it's fun.

On her favorite drinks: I like whiskey and I like red wine -  those are my two favorites. I love to lie around my house listening to vinyl records and drinking red wine. It's amazing.

Just Regular Ke$haFor Paper MagShot of Ke$haThe Ke$haPaper Magazine Pic



Lawyers Probe Lindsay Lohan on Body Cavity Search

Lindsay Lohan is certainly no stranger to being on the receiving end of a body cavity search. But a recent one may have violated more than her morals.

If the actress was subjected to a strip search at Lynwood Correctional Facility, lawyers want her to spill every detail of that experience in a deposition.

Lindsay's name is included in class action lawsuit that alleges unlawful strip and body cavity searches were conducted by L.A. County Sheriff's deputies.

The lawsuit has been filed on behalf of an inmate (not Lindsay Lohan) who recently checked into the jail. But she may be deposed as part of the case.

Lohan at Sentencing

PROBED: Peeps want to know if Lindsay was, illegally.

Attorneys for the plaintiffs filed a request in Federal Court on Monday to take a deposition from the train wreck while she's behind bars at Lynwood.

Is there a chance one of the plaintiffs in question could be E! reality star Alexis Neiers, who was recently freed from the same facility as Lindsay?

Neiers was strip searched upon entering the jail.

The suit claims that female inmates at the facility are strip searched in plain view of each other in a parking lot that is neither private nor sanitary.

Sheriff's officials have said Lindsay was treated just like any other inmate. Does that mean she was subjected to an unlawful body cavity search?

We'll have to wait and see if she talks, and what Lohan says if and when that happens. But the star is likely to be released from jail by August 1.


Jon and Kate Gosselin Reach Custody Settlement

Wow. What will this world be like if these two nut jobs are actually getting along and enjoying a respectful, amicable relationship? We may find out, because the epic child custody war between Jon and Kate Gosselin is officially over.

The former spouses/stars of Jon and Kate Plus 8 have reached a settlement agreement. The terms are extremely confidential, but the new deal replaces their previous one, in which Jon was on the hook for child support he could not pay.

Jon filed documents in a Pennsylvania court asking for custody of their eight kids in April, looking to renegotiate those child support payments. He then dropped that lawsuit and sought a truce with Kate, which he apparently got.

Jon, Kate & 8

JON & KATE PLUS ALIMONY: The good ol' days are long gone, but at least by squaring away their legal differences, the Gosselin family is moving forward positively.

Earlier this month, the often-contentious former couple officially agreed on a new arrangement that involves both custody and financial obligations.

The terms of the agreement have been sealed by the court.

"An official agreement between Jon and Kate was reached and they will be working together for the benefit of their children," a close source confirms.

Good for them. Bad for celebrity gossip lovers accustomed to wars of words, tearful implosions and baseless legal accusations, but good for them.


Sandra Bullock & Jesse James: It's Seriously Over!

He's wanted her back since the beginning. He's following her to Texas "for the kids." But Jesse James has no chance of winning over Sandra Bullock.

A source close to the motorcycle mogul says that despite the fact that Jesse is moving, and that Bullock did not try to dissuade him, it's over. Done.

"The only reason Sandy gave the green light to Jesse's move to Austin is because she wants to maintain a relationship with his children," the source said.

Bullock, who celebrated her 45th birthday yesterday, "loves those children but she has absolutely no intention of getting back together with Jesse, ever."

"She wanted the divorce done quickly, so she could move on with her life."

A Sandra Bullock and Jesse James Photo

NO, IT'S REALLY OVER: Sorry, Jesse James.

The move to Texas comes on the heels of Jesse's recently court victory against his other ex-wife, Janine Lindemulder, with whom he has a daughter, Sunny.

Bullock has been instrumental in raising Sunny since marrying James in 2005, and would like to continue being a part of the little girl's life ... but not his.

Jesse was caught cheating with Michelle "Bombshell" McGee back in March, at which point several other tattooed women revealed their affairs with him.

Sandra's primary focus now is on being a full-time mom to adopted son Louis, and having an active role in her step-children's lives - for all their sakes.

"Sandy is civil to Jesse for the sake of the children, that's it," the source said. "If there were no children, Sandy would have nothing to do with him, period."

 

 


 


 

Mouth.jpgGOSSIP ON THIS!


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